Month: November 2017

 

Have you ever lost anything on land, air, or sea?

It’s in Blackjack’s beard I can almost guarantee

 

What started with just razors, scissors, and the like

Soon expanded to sparrows and freshwater pike

 

Unable to trim it Blackjack let it grow

Now it swallows things up like an ocean undertow

 

Not just fish and birds; bikes, cars, trucks, houses too

The entire Ulti Mountain of Western Peru

 

Nearly everything and anything under the sun

Including that one thing that you lost (you know the one)

 

It swallows up planes like a great white swallows up barracuda

More sailors’ ships than a certain triangle near Bermuda

 

All those toy parts, batteries, and your holiday wreath

Atlantis, the missing link, General Washington’s teeth

 

How does this story end? I really wish I could tell

You guessed it! The end of this rhyme? It’s in there as well!

 

“Hurry! Come in! I’m professor VonMiety!

Former ranking member –World Science Society.

 

“I was unfairly banned, even accused of crimes.

Just because my lab blew up a few thousand times.

 

“But is it really fair? To use the word ‘mad’?

My experiments have never gone horribly bad.

 

“They said my work’s something that they don’t believe in!

Makes me want to laugh, maniacally even!

 

“Just because my cyborg ran amuck in Utah.

Aha haha-ha haha-ha ha-ha!

 

“Well I guess that you must have seen my want ad.

I need a new assistant so frightfully bad.

 

“I hope you’re ok working somewhat… on the fringe.

This lab coat should fit you, don’t mind that small singe.

 

“That? That’s my laser-robot-moose-monster: breathing both ice and fire!

Right now more of a moose –lots of parts backordered with the supplier.

 

“Watch your step! That invention melts planets into clouds of cosmic fuzz!

It doesn’t quite work yet, but BOY WHEN IT DOES!

 

“Now it’s time to show you what I have in store,

You’ll work in the skyroom, up these stairs, through this door.

My experiments need power… perhaps… something more,

That’s your mark right over there –that charred place on the floor.

 

“Simply turn this crank during the lightning storm later today,

I’ll monitor closely, just a few rooms away,

I’ll pay whatever you ask, the very next day,

Do we have a deal? Tell me, what do you say?”

with audio by Jordon Hodges

Legend tells of a wise man, two hundred years old

Who lives high on a mountain in the blistering cold

 

Young Tim Tock launched his boat from the Gulf of Fern

And sailed across the whole ocean to see what he could learn

 

After a long voyage and climb up a cold jagged cliff

He found the man’s cabin, just before freezing stiff

 

His knock soon was answered by the wise man himself

And they sat drinking cocoa by an enormous bookshelf

 

“I’ve traveled very far to see what you can teach”

To the bearded old man, Tim earnestly did beseech

 

With his bespectacled eyes and bushy facial hair mane

The wise man got to his feet with the help of his cane

 

Clearing his throat and preparing for the first time to speak

The wise man took a deep breath that caused the floorboards to creak

 

“Strive for a balance in everything that you do

Never own three of something if you only need two

 

“Try not to lie and don’t ever suppose

Don’t bother with any uncomfortable clothes

 

“’Weird kids’ become the most interesting once they grow up

If that file’s really important always save a backup

 

“Speak and write correctly: you can say ‘nee-ther’ or ‘nih-ther’

Never go to bed mad, don’t wake up that way either

 

“If you cross the street in England look left AFTER right

Talking’s the third option, besides fight or flight

 

“Never arrive late, or settle for being mediocre

Don’t draw to an inside straight, if you play a game of poker

 

“And the next time you hear of a person you don’t know

Across a vast ocean, past the cold freezing snow…

 

“High up, far away on a mountain of stone…

Have the good sense to leave him well alone.”

 

 

Mr. Ludwing VanMeyer JoHarker

The world’s greatest carnival barker!

When he’d shout for a show no one’d dare to not go, but that was a lifetime ago

 

JoHarker, Ludwig VanMeyer

With a simple, small-time, sideshow flyer

When the show went live no one cared to arrive (Ludwig was a hundred and five)

 

Little Sally Penelope Long

No audience, but still started her song

Even if no one came she would sing all the same, for there’s more to a song than acclaim

 

Ludwig’s health sadly on the decline

Almost blind but his ears worked just fine

When he heard her sing, he dropped everything, and a tear to his eye she did bring

 

He’d heard nothing quite as glorious

In his entire whole century plus

And he swore it’d be true, that the world would hear too, if it was the last thing that he’d do

 

Over his mouth with his hands he did cup

Striving for that one last ‘step right up’

When he let out his yell, the big top nearly fell! To this day there’s been no parallel

 

Ludwig’s voice like a thunderous bang!

An odd time but the church bells all rang

As his words echoed through, crystal cups shattered too, you could hear him far past Timbuktu!

 

The youngsters, all shocked by the yell

But their grandparents all knew that voice well!

And if Ludwig spoke true, he’d surprised himself too, he still had it but just never knew

 

That was twelve years ago, in Yorktown

And the great Ludwig’s no longer around

But Long’s a name you can see on every marquee, shore to shore and across every sea!