Month: May 2018

with audio by Jordon Hodges

“I’ll tell you the tale of the Mystic of the Profound

But try to not speak too loudly there’s guards all around

 

“His name was Harlow, The Great Fortuneteller

He lived day and night in the king’s royal cellar

 

“Through the hanging colored beads and incense swirling smokes

He sat calmly there, in his royal, royal-blue cloaks

 

“He would cast magic spells and tell the future to the king

But to always know your future is quite a boring thing

 

“Late one night Harlow calmly took up his crystal ball

Tucked it into his cloaks, then passed right through the wall

 

“Into the moat he threw the ball as he passed

He’d never again know the future, just the present and past

 

“Losing his fortuneteller drove the old king insane

It’s against the law now to even whisper Harlow’s name

 

“Where’s Harlow now? Some say in the mountains planting mandrake seeds

Others say he travels around selling strings of colored beads

 

“One thing’s for sure, if the guards find him tomorrow, if he’s caught and convicted

At least it will be something new and exciting that he never predicted

 

“To escape all the king’s guards? There’s really little chance he succeeds

Oh by the way I forgot to ask, would you care to buy some beads?

with audio by Jordon Hodges

Mr. Thurston Smith-Schuster McMumMum the Third

Collector of all of which you’ve ever heard

 

Forget baseball cards, stamps, and the Liberty Dime

He’d collected them all by the time he turned nine

 

He collects spiderwebs across old wooden rakes

(no two are the same, they’re just like snowflakes)

 

He collects signatures that look like chicken scratch

He collects old tube-socks…. but only if they don’t match

 

He collects Clydesdale horses that are named Buttercup

And spotlights from stages, he sweeps them right up

 

Horoscopes, but only Taurus and Aries

Hole-in-one golf balls and football Hail Marys

 

Peach pits and the shell part from your edamame

(They have value to him so don’t throw them away)

 

Ceiling tiles and various types of pond scum

Even threads off of sweaters and… eww… chewed up gum.

 

He collects collections, his total’s yet to be seen!

And pronouns from this story, he’s up to nineteen!

 

But poor Thurston’s been running low on ideas as of late

And if you could help him out that would really be great!

 

Come up with something brand new for the ol’ chap to collect

(Though he may already have it, I myself haven’t checked)

 

He has a shelf full of bowling balls and every single type of rimmed hat

He already collects snowman noses, so don’t suggest that

 

Whatever you pick, write it down then make a copy

Sign your name at the bottom (but make it kind of sloppy)

 

Somebody you know should have an idea where he can be found

So put the note in an envelope, then just ask around

 

Something to collect that he hasn’t yet, but should

And I can’t stress this enough… make sure that it’s good

 

Not simply postcards or flags that are unfurled

But perhaps rings off of Saturn or wonders of the world.